It is naive to say the best way to handle disappointment is to avoid expectations because we are human. As humans, we expect things. We don’t go into genuine situations expecting the worst, and if we do, we have yet to make ourselves open and vulnerable to all of life’s twists and turns. Shutting yourself off from the world is an important topic for another day, so let’s just say you have not done that. Let’s say you naturally feel happiness and pain the way we, as humans, do.
The way is not to avoid but to handle. Not to run but to cope.
Disappointment comes in so many forms. Maybe your career isn’t panning out the way you planned it. Maybe a door you were determined to go through didn’t open for you. Maybe someone you love broke your heart. Step one is to know that your disappointment is valid. It is a strong feeling, and if whatever has hurt you didn’t really really matter to you, you would not experience disappointment. This step is more difficult than it sounds. Often we resort to blaming ourselves, but please know, life is what it is. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome.
I, for one, have experienced quite a bit of disappointment in the last couple months. What a way to end one year and begin a new year, am I right? Like anyone, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and overthinking and stressing and crying, but there is one thing I didn’t think to do. Step two is to sit down with yourself. Turn off your phone, grab a cup of coffee, go to your favorite place, meditate. If none of those things help clear your mind, do something for yourself. Whatever activity it is that makes you feel the most yourself, do that. Put yourself is the most open mindset you possibly can then sit there. Allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling. I ask you now to listen to your thoughts, but do not be afraid of them. Do not act on any thoughts that may make you want to act. Just think. Get out a journal and start writing. Don’t think about the words you write, but start out by asking yourself, “How am I feeling and what is it that is making me feel this way?” You’d be surprised what your brain comes up with. Write and write and write until you have nothing left. No more thoughts.
Don’t read it yet.
Now close your eyes. What have you learned? Maybe nothing, and that is okay. Don’t force it. Do you at least feel lighter? I hope so. Sometimes we have so much going on that we don’t take time to just let the thoughts pass through our minds. Holding onto those initial thoughts will put you in a spiraling cycle of toxicity.
Now, keep in mind, disappointment is inevitable. It is a feeling just like any other, and you do have to allow yourself to feel it fully in order to move on from it. With that being said, if you are here to find the magic cure, I regret to inform you that you will not find that. I’m not in the business of running from problems. So, step three is to get up. Time heals more than you may think, and as much as reflecting on yourself is important, you can’t do that all day. Get outside, exercise, make plans with a friend, do whatever your heart is telling you to do, then wake up tomorrow and reflect again. There’s no quick fix, and I won’t guarantee it will be easy. Keep in mind you are not alone. I am posting this for myself just as much as for you. Give yourself the space you need, but don’t you dare spend more than one day in your bed feeling sorry for yourself.
xo — a